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百乐门
来源:网上转载

  

  已经和男朋友在一起快满一年了,在一起的感觉很好,我很爱他,没什么意外的话是希望能跟他走入婚姻的。

  但是,我们因为过去经常吵架,所以近来他以性格不合要和我分手,但我不想。他的想法就是,我们是不合适的人,所以经常吵架,所以应该尽快结束这段感情。可我不这么认为。

  我和他在一起我觉得很开心,我喜欢和他在一起,即使我们经常吵架。我觉得没有天生就合适的两个人,都是靠相处后一点点磨合的。怎样能让他也接受这个观点呢?

  维情情感咨询顾问:

  无疑,人都是相处后一点点磨合的。但是,磨合的方式也有很多种,吵架是一种,商量是一种,自己后退一步是一种……

  对于磨合方式的选择,是每人不同的,和各自的性格有关。有人能够经常吵,吵完后继续开心过日子;但有人不能经常吵,因为一吵他就烦,需要很长时间才能平复——我想,你也许是前一种人,你男朋友也许是后一种。对于“吵架”的态度,你和他是不合的。

  但是,不合也可以调整。关键是,你们愿不愿意去理解对方。比如,有些人是在争吵破裂的家庭中长大的,父母一吵,他就没好日子过。这种人长大后对吵架是很有阴影的,一吵架就很痛苦。如果你能够站在他的立场,去理解这份痛苦,对他产生同情,那么,你也许愿意尝试用别的方式来解决彼此的分歧,减少吵架——这样,他和你就达到一种“合”了。

  但如果你仅仅是想说服他,不去理解他的痛苦,那么,他是很难接受你的观点的。因为你没有站他的立场上。维情网 丹薇


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